Lessons Everywhere

“Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don’t”.

Think back on everyone you’ve met. The people you like, the ones you don’t. Everyone has something to share with you and I think this is a very valuable lesson. So next time you meet someone you don’t relate to, try to find something they can teach you. The more you learn the better a person you’ll be. Looking at it this way seems to make it easier–at least for me.

This is true with life as well. I’d like to believe that everything happens for a reason and good can come out of even the worst situations-you may learn something.

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God I’m messed up.

If you’ve read my post “unavailable bitch” then u can probably tell that I’ve got some issues when it comes to guys. Recently, I met a guy named Cole. He stood up for me when no one else would. Later that night he got my number and now I guess were talking but the thing is that I don’t know if I’m attracted to him. He’s the sweetest person and everything about him is what I’ve been drooling over in movies yet I’m not as excited as I should be. He even tells me exactly how he feels so I’m never anxious and he doesn’t even look at other girls. On paper he’s perfect but in reality I’m just not sure. It makes me wonder if maybe I need a little jealousy or angst to develop some kind if lust. I know–that’s rediculous and I’m a hypocritical idiot no wonder I’m single, but it’s just a feeling I can’t seem to shake…

Unavailable Bitch

I’ve often confused cruelty for passion. Maybe that’s why I fall for assholes. But lately I’ve been thinking about my past and it seems that in every good relationship I’ve had, I’ve found a way to sabotage it….

I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not that I can’t find somebody, it’s that subconsciously–I don’t want to. I mean there have been plenty of guys who have made themselves available to me but I never thought twice about them because I’d rather fantasize about relationships that are never going to work. In the process I ‘ve actually managed to loose a lot of guy friends. When they tell me they like me something goes off in my brain and I lash out at them. I’ve convinced myself that I don’t deserve their affection and the only way to get my friend back is to show them a side of me they won’t want: Bitch.

So I dont know what to do. I mean I’m okay on my own. And maybe someday (hopefully soon) I’ll figure it out and put myself out there. Maybe I just need the right person. I read something somewhere once that really stuck with me. It basically said that you must get comfortable with being alone or you’ll never know whether your choosing someone because their right for you, or because your lonely and afraid. I mean whenever I feel empty I find comfort–if you know what I mean, it’s just not in the most reliable people–or the most secure ways. I know that. I’m just not really sure where to go from here.

Expiration Date

From what I’ve learned, everything–good or bad, has an expiration date. Whether it’s anger, scandal, love…everything fades. No matter what you do to preserve it (or settle it) the best thing to do is just wait it out. I figured this out this year. Every time a rumor would go around about me or I’d get angry with a friend but not want to confront them and start something, after about a week it would be gone. Think of it this way: It’s like December. For so long you enjoy the autumn colors not really thinking twice about them and before you know it they’ve disappeared. There still there but not like before–the chaos of all the different colors has gone leaving only an elapsed brown shadow. Just interesting that’s all.