Today I went to block island which is a small island off point Judith (Rhode Island where I live) and it is just so incredible how beautiful my state is. We went with some family that’s come down from Canada in a completely landlocked region so it’s been so long since they’ve seen the ocean. Me, having grown up around it found it hard to get my head around the idea of not being able to drive 5 minutes and watch the waves stroke in and out. These little things we take for granted are sometimes the things we can’t live without.
Best part of summer is that you only see people you make an effort to. The last few days I’ve really been trying to shut myself out from my friends and try to enjoy myself through the only things I can really rely on…myself and the world around me. It’s been extraordinary to really see all the beauty around me that I’ve taken for granted all this time. It’s given me time to process.
If you’ve read my post “unavailable bitch” then u can probably tell that I’ve got some issues when it comes to guys. Recently, I met a guy named Cole. He stood up for me when no one else would. Later that night he got my number and now I guess were talking but the thing is that I don’t know if I’m attracted to him. He’s the sweetest person and everything about him is what I’ve been drooling over in movies yet I’m not as excited as I should be. He even tells me exactly how he feels so I’m never anxious and he doesn’t even look at other girls. On paper he’s perfect but in reality I’m just not sure. It makes me wonder if maybe I need a little jealousy or angst to develop some kind if lust. I know–that’s rediculous and I’m a hypocritical idiot no wonder I’m single, but it’s just a feeling I can’t seem to shake…
of a year.
I have worn
under my sleeves,
on my thighs,
running down my cheeks.
This is what
looks like, my dear.”
All my life I’ve been told what to do and how to do it.
Supposedly I am to look beautiful always (but never try too hard be too fake), study as much as possible (but accumulate knowledge of the world outside of textbooks), spend time with friends (but never let them get in the way of school work), fall in love (but if you let someone hurt you your a fool!), work (but good luck finding a job that fits around everything else!), find yourself (but if you experiment to widely your a mess!), have sex (but not unless you love the person!)….I could go on but I think you get the point. With all these ironic traits of society, how can anyone expect to accomplish anything? If all their worried about is accidentally venturing outside these tight lines of acceptance how will we manage to find ourselves let alone happiness. Well I certainly haven’t and don’t intend to—>hence the blog name: the unconventional life of me